A Cuppa with Kili
by EerieAlice
Summary: Interview with Kili from The Hobbit at a local coffee shop; discussing the traditional dwarf ways, dwarf food, parties, his personal taste in the opposite sex etc. Romantic take and comically quirky one shot.


**A/N: **I don't own _The Hobbit_ or _Lord of the Rings_, they belong to Tolkien. Just a fan writing some fiction. I'd thought I'd put this up here as I've found it different to my other pieces on here, and you never know it might make you laugh. The story follows myself (or you might see the narrator as you) meeting up with the dwarf Kili for an interview (from the Hobbit) in Costa Coffee or Starbucks (I like both chains.) I came up with this idea for an exercise at my Creative Writing class, we had to write about an encounter with any public figure/character living or dead. I chose the fiction world. The key inspiration is from Aiden Turner, the beautiful and hairy Irish actor who plays Kili. I hope you like this little piece, comment and let me know what you think...

_A Cuppa With Kili_

_By EerieAlice_

My heart is pounding and I stride towards the coffee shop thinking, this cannot be happening. I'm meeting up with a legend, well for anyone that's into creatures wielding axes, fire breathing dragons, you know that sort of thing. I open the door, he's not here yet, I order my drink and his and I sit at table by the wall. Nice and cosy, private, ideal, nobody barging past to go to the toilet or a breeze blowing through the place. It's also so he can see me when he walks in.

My watch ticks and tocks, pissing me off, so I pretend I have a text on my phone to make it look like I was doing something. I hear the door go, I look up and I see him.

He smiles at me, showing his teeth, better than mine and I use toothpaste every day. My heart does that flippy thing and my phone falls out of my hands. He swoops and picks it up, cocks his head, frowning at it.

"What a bizarre weapon," Kili says.

"It's not a weapon," I reply, laughing.

"Then...what is it?"

"It's like a tracking device," I say. Kili nods and hands it to me. "I got you a drink, in case you needed some refreshment."

He smiles again and removes his thick fur coat, then his sword and his bow and arrow. He jumps on the chair and manages to get himself comfy. His body is small but his face is of a man. He's quite a beauty in his own way; he has long deep brown hair, a chiseled chin with a night's beard across his mouth. "What's this?" he asks, pointing at the drink.

"A hot chocolate, maybe you don't have them in Middle Earth."

He tests it and from the way his face moulds, I chose the correct beverage. "So why do you want to know about us then?" Kili asks.

"I like the world you come from," I say and I lean forward and lower my voice. "It's more interesting than mine." I pull out my notepad and click my pen into action. "You don't mind if I take notes, do you?"

"No, course not."

I smile. "Can I ask you some questions?"

Kili waves his hand. "Ask away."

"How do you interact?"

"In what way?"

"Like greeting each other, for example, when we meet someone new, we shake hands," I say.

"Show me," he replies.

My hand hovers in front of him and at first he doesn't know what to do. "Touch it," I say. "Copy the way I'm holding my hand out with your other hand." Kili does it and our hands link, then I shake it. "See now, we're acquainted."

"Oh I see," Kili says.

"How about you? How do dwarves greet each other in Middle Earth?"

Kili laughs. "I don't think it would be a good idea if I showed you." He mimes it to me; he moulds his hand into a ball and knocks his forehead against his knuckles. "See, a head like yours would crack if you greeted the traditional dwarf way."

"You're right about that," I say and I scribble in my notepad. "I had no idea dwarves were so tough." I glance towards the sword propped by the wall. "You killed many things with that?"

Kili grins. "Loads."

"Like what?"

"Orcs, goblins, elves, trolls," he replies. "I haven't killed a human though."

We chat for a while, I learn alot about Middle Earth, the shire, Bilbo Baggins, his brother Fili, Gandelf the wizard, their lifestyles, the parties, the food, everything. We share a similar interest in sausages and mash, we like plants and flowers but Kili has to keep that subject to himself. Kili asks about my life and my world, he likes the idea of trains, better than riding on ponies. He loves the concept of Jack Daniel's whisky, including caramel chocolate ice cream and going to the cinema. I say my world isn't like his, adventures in magical forests, fighting orcs and casting spells. Sometimes, I wish my world was like that.

Kili stops me. "At least you're safe."

"That's true," I reply.

He gets up to leave.

"I do have one more question..." I say.

He buckles up his armor, slides his sword into the guard by his hip and fits his bow and arrow over his shoulder. "Fire away."

"It's about relationships, do you have any luck with finding love?" I ask.

"With other dwarves?"

"Yes...or with other species..."

He smiles and I see a blush of red. "I actually don't go for dwarf women."

"Really? Who do you go for?"

"I like..._tall_ women," he replies.

"Just _women_ women?"

"Humans, elves..."

I smile. "Even female trolls?"

Kili laughs and sticks his tongue out. "Absolutely not, could you imagine what our children would look like?" He shudders. "_Disgusting_."

I scribble my notes and I stand up. "It's been great talking to you Kili," I say and I hold my hand out.

He grins and shakes it. "You too, you'll have to come to Middle Earth one day."

"I'd love to," I say. "I'd love to meet your Fili and the others, you could all come round for dinner one evening."

"We'll eat your home up," he says. "I'll let them know."

"Great, then that's a date."

Kili nods, bows to me and takes his leave. It's raining outside and the coffee shop is closing up. I wave to him; he waves and pulls his hood over his head. I'm counting down to the days to this dinner party and with that thought, my dwarf disappears into the night.


End file.
